Coffee and My Bush

So whilst at work I nipped down to the canteen to grab a drink and got chatting to the lady making my coffee, excitedly telling her only two more days before I head off to Malaga. When a man’s booming voice behind me said ‘Got room for a little one in your suitcase’. (Why do people say that? Not if want to get done for people smuggling No I haven’t, and obviously if you knew me, or read my blog you would know my suitcase is so stuffed I couldn’t even get another toothbrush in it!). I turned round to see a gentleman moving towards me and smiled sweetly saying. ‘No sorry’ (why am I apologising?). Then he said ‘Hello again, fancy seeing you here’ (bugger he does know me). I peer at him still with a grin on my face frantically thinking who the hell is this. Not wanting to be rude and in an attempt to buy some time I causally say ‘Hi how are you’ (brain work…think…think). He replied ‘This is the third time I have seen you this month last time was in the Job Centre’ (so I am stood there still with the fixed smile on my face knowing I haven’t been in a Job Centre for years, then it dawned on me that this guy might be a nutter!). I slowly avert my face and look to the assistant wishing she would get a wiggle on, when his voice booms out (for all to hear) ‘How’s your bush’ (shit he is a nutter!). I turn to face him, he carries on ‘you’ve had a lot of problems with that clematis bush’. At this point I must of looked a picture of aghast and puzzlement when he leaned over, seemed to study my face and promptly said ‘Your not Jan, I thought you were Jan, you look like Jan, you have a double’. With that he turns and leaves. (So somewhere out there I have a double who is unemployed and has trouble with her bush…nice)

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