Shit At 35,000ft

We were transported to the plane by bus but for some reason they didn’t open the doors for us to get off. Instead we were kept on there for over 1/2 hour, then 2 pilots turned up (good sign), the tanker started filling plane (another good sign), luggage being loaded (definitely a good sign). Maintenance man arrived waving a spanner in the air (not such a good sign), pilots and maintenance man looking under the plane (NOT a good sign), maintenance man shaking head (definitely NOT a good sign) and with that one of the pilots shrugs turns and both board the plane, the maintenance man wanders off still shaking his head and the bus doors open and everyone heads to the plane steps. (I am stood there thinking ‘What the hell just happened? Has it been fixed? Are you sure?). I plod across the tarmac and board the hopefully not broken plane!

Unfortunately due to the late transfer of courier we cannot sit next to each other, and I have been allocated a seat right at the back of the plane and mother is two seats away. I have two well dressed middle aged gentlemen sat next to me on my left and the aisle to my right, and right behind me is the toilet! Both men have already settled down and are reading books. We take off and as soon the seat belt light goes off it happens. How we ever got off the ground was somewhere between a miracle and the skill of the pilot. The plane was full of people that were obviously full of shit. For the next two hours I experienced a constant stream of people wanting to use the toilet, banging against me as they went pass and again on their return. I would conservatively estimate that 3/4 of the people on the plane used the toilet. (And some people visited it twice and at one point the queue numbered 14 persons in the aisle). Now if you have a medical condition, or have a weak bladder, or are a small child I can imagine you may wish to use the toilet on a frequent basis. However, adults that cannot refrain from going to the toilet on what is just over a two hour flight is bloody ridiculous. And then the unimaginable happened…. A lady on her second visit emerged from the toilets with her skirt tucked into her knickers and a piece of toilet roll hanging down from behind, after a few steps the toilet paper released itself and landed in the aisle (refer to pic) and she continued on her long walk of shame. I turned my face away and looked at the men sat next to me and realised there was a very high chance I was sat next to 2 sociopaths!……….to be continued.


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