My New Diet (I Mean Cleanse)

So following on from my previous post I decided to find out what my new diet of meal replacements consisted off. So went and asked the nice lady who was supplying said diet items. 
Well talk about being anal…..Rule 1. You are not to refer to it as a diet…it’s a healthy lifestyle. (Still means diet in my book) Rule 2. You are not to refer to it as a detox….it’s a cleanse. (I really don’t give a stuff so long as the weight drops off, call it what you like). So before Rule 3 was rolled out I asked what would I get……..Strawberry shakes or maybe banana (I like banana).

‘No’ she said ‘You will be given Bee pollen tablets to take’. 

‘Is that to give me a buzz’ I responded. 

‘No’ she replied and then garbled on about goodness, vitamins and stuff like that. 

‘What else do I get’ I ask. 

‘You have a shot everyday’ she said (Yay…way to go now your talking) ‘a shot of Aloe Vera’. 

‘Whats that’ I say. 

‘It’s a liquid with an usual consistency and is very good for you but you might want to wash your teeth after you have it’! (Great that must mean it tastes like bull shit).

I try to be polite…’it doesn’t taste nice then?’. 

She looked thoughtful and said ‘it’s more to do with the consistency of the liquid that is why you will need to wash your teeth’. I pushed for more information. 

‘Whats it like.’ She paused and then said ‘Its like jiz’……I thought about it for a few seconds and then I realised what the hell she meant…… 

My new ‘cleanse’ consists of bee secretions and sperm!

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