This is about sons and surprises. Last weekend I had arranged to take Mother out shopping (yes again), when one of my younger sons said he would like to come to. Now this took me by surprise, as it’s virtually unheard of any of my sons expressing a wish to join me shopping. I was on the alert! ‘Why’ I questioned him….’I want to get some football boots’ he replied (more like you want me to pay for them).’ Ermm OK’ I said and off we went. As I drove I couldn’t help wondering if there wasn’t something else behind his request. I remembered back to the last time I took any of my offspring shopping with me, it was an embarrassing experience and one I didn’t care to repeat. 
I had taken them to the Mall and I was looking for a jacket and they were following me in and out of the shops. I guess at some they got bored because the first thing I noticed was they started shoving each other around thinking it was funny, after scolding them they remained quiet until we went to a rather up market fashion shop. I hadn’t noticed that they left my side and had disappeared behind the clothes racks and then to my horror, as women approached the clothes, each if them let out a fart noise, needless to say we were asked to leave the premises.

I marched down the mall red faced, muttering that this was the last time I would take them shopping with me. I dragged them into a cafe, sat them down and said through gritted teeth. ‘Don’t you ever do that again’. After feeding the little buggers I said I wanted to go into one more shop and they were to behave themselves. After 10 minutes of acceptable behaviour I noticed that they were stood by the ladies hat section. Thinking that they couldn’t get up to much there I continued browsing…then I heard the words ‘Does my bum look big in this’? I spun round on the spot as I recognised the voice and looked over to the hat section and there they both were trying on hats. But not content in actually putting them on their heads, they had bent over in front of the mirrors and had balanced the hats on their arses. As a lady walked passed them they both chirped again ‘Does my bum look big in this’. (Gits!). And yes security escorted us off the premises!

I turned to my other son sat in the car and said…’Don’t you dare try hats on your bum today’. Ignoring the horrified look on his face!