My New World

So I am just over 3 months into the vile journey and I am struggling so much. I am back at work on reduced hours and I function, just. I smile, I talk and I carry on. The first few weeks are hazy but I remember saying ‘I won’t survive this’, those words still haunt me. The last two weeks have been especially hard, reminders are all around me, silly little things, an advert, a song, the news, it’s like I am being tormented and I feel like I cant breathe. I am finding myself trying to avoid anything that I think will trigger emotion. I relieve that day, that phone, the crash over and over again, it’s running in my head like a movie, replaying, replaying, replaying. I feel like I am trying to walk in quicksand and am slowly sinking, and I cant stop it and part of me is giving in to it. I know this is probably not a good sign but it is so hard fighting against it. My strength is going and I am fighting and feel like I am losing. This new world of mine is so hard.
In three days time I fly out to Malaga and during my last visit I found a haven and a respite from the sadness. Yes it still was in my head but my thoughts were softer! I am hoping that on my return that I will feel like that again.

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