Well last year was shit and the start of 2018 has not made a promising start! The diet went to pot round about the 2nd January. The new Asda trainers remain in my ‘bag for life’ and the scales are on the the blink (probably my most exciting news)!

As you know I haven’t written much in 2017, tried but I was struggling in between feeling mentally unstable to exhausted to confused to angry to distraught and back to crazy again, and about another 100 odd feelings as well. But in amongst all the pain and tears I discovered quite a few things.

I found I have some truly great friends, I have friends that I didn’t actually know about, I have friends that not only stepped up to help, they jumped in with me and when I fell picked me up, and are still doing so.

A trip to Spain made me discover I rather like Villa Cleaning, Mopping and Chinese Markets. A trip to Texas made me discover I like Margaritas, Mexican food and The Alamo. Both trips made me reconnect with life and be with some amazing people.

In 2017 I have survived birthday dates, anniversary dates, Christmas and New year. I have survived organising a funeral, packing Anton’s clothes and possessions into boxes and in a few days time hand over his home and finalise his estate. How have I got here, I am not entirely sure. I know I have broken down and cried more in the last 7 months than I have in my lifetime. I try so hard to do this in private ,as believe me it’s not pretty, but I have such good support that every time it happens I am brought back from the brink!

So why I am I writing now you might be wondering (if of course you have even got this far). Well I am not entirely sure, but what I would like to do is journal some of this journey that has been chosen for me, it gives me a way of possibly making this process, my behaviour and mindset more transparent. It also gives me the opportunity to talk about Anton and along with anything else that comes my way!

So every month on the 12th of the month I will write an update (well that’s the plan), so forgive me now if sometimes I am somewhat morose and definitely forgive me if I became downright rude! I am thinking of renaming the Blog to ‘Shit on Planet Blog’ but I have had 3 Margaritas so I might make that decision when more sober!

Thank you to my many friends and family that have been absolutely fantastic and many thanks to the new friends that have come into my life recently because of my son. I will never forget the ones that have continued to hold my hand.

And finally to friends and family that have failed miserably and caused additional upset due to being selfish and without compassion, I would like to leave you with a Quote from Davy Crockett…. “You May All Go To Hell And I Will Go To Texas”

Buckle up!!