After falling apart on the night of the Inquest I have struggled, really struggled since, I am experiencing flashbacks, sleepless nights, the fatigue has returned and I feel like I am back in the early stages again, minus ‘The Fog’.
After many months we received the date for the Coroners Inquest. As I am an Accident Investigator I had a good knowledge of the process and felt I had prepared myself. In addition I made sure I was extremely busy at work in the lead up to it. As it went, I held up well… Read More Bereavement – The Inquest
My 1st Mothers Day without Anton. In fact it was my 1st Mothers Day spent virtually on my own, I only got to see my youngest son and that was briefly, the other boys were busy, and sent flowers in the post. I sat down that day with my partner and had cup of soup… Read More Bereavement – Mothers Day
Triggers, reminders call them what you will, they have the ability to appear out of nowhere and completely floor you, they can take your breath away, make you feel faint and make you cry. Sometimes you can ride them, sometimes you can’t. So what is a trigger? For me it can come in many guises,… Read More Bereavement – Triggers
The fog is still with me and now I was fast approaching ‘The Firsts’. The first Halloween (Anton loved handing out the treats), the first Bonfire Night, the first birthday without him, the first remembrance parade and the six month anniversary of losing him. As Anton was in the Navy I was used to him… Read More Bereavement Months 6 – 9
Fog, fog and fog. Yes I still live in the fog. Three months in and it’s still intense, it’s still unbelievable, but there has been a fundamental change. In the early months there was lots to do, lots to arrange and friends and family were around. Now it’s a lot quieter, people return to their… Read More Bereavement Months 3 – 6
Fog, fog and more fog. During the first week I was medicated, at my request, as I remember wailing ‘I won’t survive this’ over and over again. I have no idea what medication I was on (but it was good stuff) and it enabled me to function and go through the motions. I existed. The… Read More Bereavement Months 1 – 3
My son was in the Navy and it was to be a military funeral. As his mother I could chose the hymns and the prayers. The Navy would provide the formal proceedings of the gun salute, the flag and the last post. I spent the three weeks working on it night and day, it gave… Read More Bereavement – The Funeral
My priority was my other four sons and breaking the news to them. Seeing and hearing their reactions broke my already shattered heart. Apart from hearing the news and telling my other sons I have very little recollection of the day.
As I approached our house I saw the Police car, I parked and took a deep breath. My son was in the Navy why would the police be here, surely if it was him the Navy would be there. Yes the Police must of made a mistake. I went inside… The Police hadn’t made a… Read More Bereavement – The Police